Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
