is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize