At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
