His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Of course I have a pirate flag
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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