at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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