he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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