i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
