I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
