I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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