Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize