I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
