Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize