I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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