During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
