I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
