you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
