True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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