My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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