so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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