I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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