Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
