If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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