Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
