I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
