We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I party with great urgency now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
