Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
