I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
