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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear

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• (214): View more from Texas

  How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends

  (310): View more from California

  Pharmasutra?

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms

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