I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
