I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
