Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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