if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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