i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
