So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
