your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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