Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Randomize
