Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
