I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
