It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
