Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize