Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
