Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
