very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
