he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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