she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
