maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
