This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
