Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
