the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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