Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
