My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
