I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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