I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
