i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
