is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Enjoy the penises
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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