First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
