I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
