His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
