According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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