i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She announced her abortion via fbk
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
