I'm so fucking centered right now
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
