I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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