I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
