Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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