At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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