Duck Duck Cougar?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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