You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
